Why does it feel like, quitting is the equivalent to stooping...
stooping to a lower level?
The power it requires.. well quite frankly,
seems impossible!
Whose power was used in the making
of this addict, which was so cunningly
created within me?
Did it take from your purpose, for me to take the path that so many others do?
Thats the thing about virtues...
It takes work to maintain.
The sin we give into becomes the very thing that trips us up..
Leading us to pure exhaustion.
Over time you put so much effort into simply tracking your lies.
Just like any other job, it brings us revenue.
Why then, am I begging for this check to be invalidated?
As I hit this pipe and slowly begin to feel the enjoyment the payments bring fade away. Eventually, I hate everything surrounding me. Its a tormenting feeling, really..To feel like this desire to escape is truly a nnecessity. One that is stronger than my brain or so it seems to be.
If You have dominion over death, and I've been so busy rebelling, then why, out of everyone I've seen lose their life to it have you continually chosen to save me?Much Like JOB from your word, I watch as each of my fears are becoming my reality.
At times, it steals from my peace. However, my faith in you remains..Why though did you save me to, in return for my disobedience, exult demonic powers.. allowing them to reign over me...This left me angry for years.. But now it's clear to see:You aren't the one tempting me.You never were in the first place.Yet, I am to percieve each struggle as a new way You are testing me.
Can you hear me!? As I cry out to thee?! I find myself, constantly, questioning everything. And now everything is changing.
Does the flesh die, as we learn to hide; Or is it murdered through denying thy self?Once again, I find myself releasing my authority, as I give into these uncomfortable feelings. I bow and become prostrate to the wrong things. yeah, I've let my emotions control and consume me.
Oh, is there any hope to be found in irony?
is there anything more of it other than the process of living, loving, dying, and grieving?? while simutaneously believing in something we cannot see?
Are these trials saved for a time of transitioning or are they intentionally running late? Its the best distraction, if you think about it; the tactics used to imprint upon the evil in our existence...
The old and the new are entangling us.. as they war endlessly against His Kingdom.
God said ''as I was with Moses so I will be with you''
LORD! Bless me, gift my being with your presence! Lively --o'Lord of Lords. Help me pass it on, genuinely.
Live through me.
Make my love a mirror of your heart. through our family's faith..
We pass through their trauma to find their perseverance. endurance only matters if we're running with our King..
Sow as you do and we too shall reap your righteousness. Since we gain what we earn and if we hold ourselves accountable then we are saved from certain consequences.
Although the salvation is freely given and is ready to be recieved by anyone who truly believes, somehow, I am related to a story you told.. the man named Job. He who teaches us that we earned what we labored NOT for. So, it goes with the dirty and it FALLS into an empty clothes hamper.
From whom of your children are familiar with your highs and your lows? We are pieces of art. You are forever creating love. While we deteriorate by leaving it to be stolen.
so let me remind us of this:
digging deep, we see an image of Him. One that is tainted. One that is stored inside of our hearts, becoming a hardened spot. It feels like we can escape NOT from this undeniable and internal bleeding. Though it be invisible to most gleaning gossip from the inside and remaining outside..half in and half out.
Now I know why these things sometimes are allowed to affect us. Yes. It grows our endurance and our faith at times.
There are plenty things people have insinuated and assumed. However, the Bible has an example for this exact scenario. The man who married the prostitute in order to show her unconditional and forgiving love. The other side taught him what it was like to be in his shoes...One pair of many.
What it is to be the one blessing someone who hurt you instead of cursing them. To give out what we ask to be freely given to us.
So, to see these friends of mine I would have died for betray me for so little while remaining half hearted in the relationship.... to understand what being that kind of friend feels like and or to know what it is to love a lukewarm believer.
Its more than a simple command..
Its teaching us His empathetic compassion and His lovingkindness which joyfully hands out grace and mercy like Oprah gives out free cars.